Mornings like this…

… make me want to run away to that farm I wish to buy. Homeschool my kid. Leave society behind.

Another morning of drying Bean’s tears and trying to reassure her that school IS fun, and she should want to go. Go, see her friends. Have fun. Get messy. Learn lots, and have a fabulous day. 

But we have a bully problem, and one in which I’m becomingly increasingly frustrated with the school’s lack of response.
Today I feel I need to put something out there in the universe to mark the fact that my DD is being bullied, and how the school seems powerless to do anything. 
Initially, in JK, they complained that DD wasn’t using her words to resolve issues herself – so we coached her to say “NO THANK YOU!” and let people know, stand up for herself, and “use her words”. 
But nothing changed. 
We have involved the bus company, the school, the boy’s parents… and to no avail. We’ll perhaps bear witness to 2-3 weeks of good behaviour – and then it’s like he can’t help himself. He goes back to hurting my daughter. 

This year, in SK – still only 5 years old – he escalated to punching her in the playground. He’s snatched hats from her head and ripped them, he’s broken 3 headbands of hers, and ripped the ears from knitted bunny mitts. She’s come home with scratches, bruises, and destroyed personal property. We worry about the other signals that this is sending – other bullies could see DD as “weak” and pick on her too… this has to stop.

All in all, this has been ongoing for over a year.

Yesterday, as she was trying to get to her seat on the school bus, he was kicking her in the legs as she waited in the aisle. 

There has been other bullies inbetween times – one threatened to steal Bean’s backpack and boots, Bean’s words went unheard – for 2 weeks – until SHE got into trouble for sitting on her backpack on the bus. She tried to explain it was because BullyGirl was threatening/trying to steal her stuff – but noone listened. Until she finally told me – one angry note to the school, a phone-call from them, and it was as resolved as it well as it could be. Noone apologised to Bean. Infact, Bean was again criticised for the sitting on the bag incident. 

Other incidents involving the school bus (and BullyBoy) were “resolved” by segregating Bean from her friends and making her sit at the front of the bus. 
Way to go. 
Now my child feels punished for standing up for herself. 
Again, noone apologised to Bean. 

Another incident involved more than her, and other kindie kids on the bus – older grade school aged kids were crawling UNDER THE SEATS and stealing the little kids’ boots and shoes. Those kids were suspended from the bus. So the school CAN do something… but what must it take?  

I used to try and involve the mother – but she laughed off my complaints: “Boys will be boys”, “He does it because he likes her”, “he’s attracted to her red hair”. I wanted to slowclap and congratulate her on raising a future rapist. If he’s already ignoring a girl when she says “NO!!!” at 5 years old, it bodes well for his future – and I already sympathise with his victims.
I used to ask that the damaged property be replaced – it took MONTHS for one of the headbands to be replaced – by a far substandard product. It wasn’t even remotely similar. 
The treasured hat from DisneyWorld that her Grangran bought her? It’s irreplaceable. 
… and now we have to start making sure that Bean doesn’t wear anything that may illicite an attack from BullyBoy. No headbands, hair accessories, no fancy hats or gloves. 
Isn’t it ridiculous that we can’t let Bean wear what she wants to school? That we have to make sure that she won’t be attracting unwanted attention from BullyBoy?
SHE’S FIVE!!!!! 
… and yet he? He gets to do what he likes. 

And I don’t care that BullyBoy is the youngest of three boys. I’m sure it’s all “survival of the fittest” at home – but it’s no excuse for hurting his “friends”. 

I want this to stop. I want my daughter to feel safe when she goes to school. I want her to feel that her words are listened to and valued, and not ignored. I have always taught her that outside of her home, she can trust policemen and women (and other emergency service persons), and teachers. 
The latter? Is not ringing true. 

4 Responses to Mornings like this…

  1. HellaBex says:

    Wow. This is like reading the story of my school life. The bullying, the shitty parents of the bullies, the school’s apathy, turning the situation around to blame the victim…it seems nothing has changed in the past 20ish years.
    My parents tried like you have. My mother would even go as far as coming to the school and confronting the brats herself (I know nowadays, you probably can’t get away with that as easily) which actually worked for a while. They even encouraged me to fight back but it’s difficult as a kid when you’ve been broken down and suffer constant anxiety because of these monsters.
    Perhaps some public shaming might get you heard. Letters to The Record about what kids are going through and how the school’s don’t care or something.
    Anyway, I’m sorry your daughter is going through this and I hope you find a way to remedy the problem.

  2. shera says:

    That is horrible. I really hope the school does something asap, that’s really unbelievable in 2014, you’d think they’d be more aware of and proactive against bullying by now! Makes my heart ache that your sweet little girl is going through this.

  3. Ida says:

    My heart hurts for Bean. I was bullied and taunted throughout school. I loved school, because it was a place I did well and received praise from adults. But bullies took much of that away. Or tried to. As I read your post, I remembered those days. And though it does nothing to take away the pain and frustration she feels now, I can say, Bean, it does get better. One of the things that irks me is the lack of concern exhibited by the teachers and bus drivers. And bus monitors if they have any. One of my first thoughts was to charge the kid with assault, though I’m sure it wouldn’t go far. Or perhaps the adults for neglect of duties and failure to keep Bean safe. And please, “boys will be boys” was an invalid excuse when I was in school more than a few decades ago. We love you, Bean. Don’t let the arses bring you down.

  4. Kristyn says:

    What total crap that this boy is not getting in trouble for his actions. You are right, it does seem as though Bean is the one being punished. I say that’s buy one of those farms and we can homeschool our kids together. I feel so terrible for Bean. She seems like such a sweet, loving and adorable young girl. Schools wonder why bad things happen…it’s because no one disciplines their kid. That whole “boys will be boys” saying is bull. My sons better not do anything like this or they will be in major trouble.

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